What We're All In It For, Really

I don’t know where the idea to go to Thailand really came from. I told everyone I knew that I was going there on vacation to soak up the culture, for the food, for the beaches. In actuality, I was going for the elephant rides. A fat guy from IT told me—out of nowhere while we were both in the break-room—that the most intense spiritual experience he ever had was while tripping on E at a nonstop beach party. The moon was huge and the way it hung over the ocean made it look like you could just walk up to it on a path of twinkling light. What do you say to that? I just wanted to ride an elephant through a city street, not have some epiphany. Another guy in the office—you could tell what his story would be just by looking at him—told me that the tightest pussy in the world is in Thailand. And they just give it up, no questions. Again, what do you say to that?

I imagined being picked up from the airport by an elephant and riding it all through the city, to the hotel. Me and my personal elephant.